


You're Not So Dark

by bambithepenguin



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Hurts (UK Band), Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Festivals, Fluff, M/M, Sharing Clothes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 23:31:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7484235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bambithepenguin/pseuds/bambithepenguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief sentimental fantasy about the backstory of the weirdly synced white jackets at Glastonbury.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Not So Dark

A pair of bizarre gradient shades on the bed stand. A gaudy half-full bag of sweets. An endearingly old-fashioned little gift — a book or a mixtape. Serge Gainsbourg whispering from the speakers. The unmistakable yet infrequent signs of Alex’s presence in Theo’s flat.

That day, the usual date kit was completed with a facetious nod to the ongoing festival season – a pink and yellow flower crown.

“No way,” Theo declared, using a pillow to push away the giggling coronation attempts, “Only on my grave, if anything at all.”

“Didn’t you hear about the new Glastonbury rules? It’s an official requirement!”

“Where’s yours, then?”

“I arrived early in the morning and only managed to gather enough flowers for one,” Alex reported, lying back and stroking the silk petals proudly, “You know, strolling around good old British fields, singing ‘The Sound of Music’…”

Theo took the flower crown from Alex and put it over his ruffled mane.

“Suits your angelic curls and godlike paleness much better,” he smiled and pecked Alex’s cheek, indeed as white as if he was not living in the scorching city of Los Angeles and coming to London only when their touring schedules and loads of other matters allowed it. For all those few months, they had lived mostly on those rare coincidences, taking them, in some measure, like weather reports: glad when luck facilitated and not particularly distressed when it did not. Back in December, when it all just started, if somebody had asked Alex whether half a year later, in summer, he would still be rushing to this modest flat every time he would drop in London and beforehand, spend hours picking an allusive track list for each mixtape, he would just raise his eyebrows and laugh.

And yet, there he was, heavily squeezing another meeting into a savage schedule just to listen to another bunch of clumsy puns, diluted with intellectual reviews on latest albums and films and that endearing velvet laughter. Furthermore, even already going through the unscalable wall of his calendar and looking for another tiny window to open up and let in some light.

“And here’s your Glastonbury look,” Theo grinned, putting a blanket over Alex’s shoulders like a cape, “I call it minumalism. No, wait! Minappalism!”

“As in ‘appall’, eh?”

“As in ‘a nap’!”

“Oh, baby, you should do a fashion line. May this preview stay within the company, though,” Alex said softly.

“I mean, post-Glastonbury look,” Theo corrected himself, fixing the tilted flower crown with a dignified expression, “What do you say? Any afterparty plans?”

“No, I… in fact… of course! I’ll, uh… walk the ramp like that once again if you’re free,” Alex stuttered on the floating clouds of joy going from his chest to his whole being. A little relieved smile lightened Theo’s face.

“That’s fantastic! ‘Cause I thought… maybe you have some other things to do and people to meet. You don’t visit the UK too often, do you?”

“Well, lately, no more often than I visit this bed,” Alex shrugged. “So why would I break the chain?”

“Okay then,” Theo nodded, visibly trying to secrete the way his disposition in Alex’s favourite things in the UK had actually touched him. It was not the first time Alex noticed how even such disguised confessions caused some kind of lovely perplexity. Was it due to past unfortunate relationships or just Theo’s non-obvious extreme humbleness? In any case, Alex tried to catch those moments by the tail before they were gone and concrete his reverence with another gentle word.

“I know that from this system we’re operating, it doesn’t come from between the lines… But I’ve really missed you, Theo,” Alex said, clumsily trying to find Theo’s hand in the blanket wrinkles but bumping into a silk bud from the flower crown instead, “Even tomorrow, knowing that this time it’s just hours not days to count, I’ll be missing you.” 

Usually, when either of them said something weighty like this, it was just about who would wreck the moment first, with an untimely joke or a mumbled mess that came out completely not the way one had intended it to. Theo kept silent for so long that Alex almost took the responsibility of bursting out with a foolish pun, but Theo stopped him with a smile and, for this once, a simple but the only possible right reply.

“I miss you too, Alex.”

Then he thought for a while, apparently sentenced the line guilty as too plain and cheesy and piped up again with a silly grin.

“But I’ll have your flower crown to get by at least for a day, right? Do you want to equilibrate by borrowing something mine from all the things around you and dampen the ordeal?”

Alex laughed brightly, but Theo seemed to be actually waiting for his choice, his eyes drilling Alex gleefully and inviting him to look around. And Alex did, exploring the surroundings once again and finding even more little things to fall in love with. A wide collection of music discs, an eccentric statuette, an old elegant film camera, rows and rows of books, a lean telescope in the corner… The only thing that united all those various hobbies and interests was that most of them were black. Even albums and book covers were arranged in such a way that the dominant landscape was the darker part of a monochrome palette.

Oh yes, Theo was a big fan of dark things, both in color and essence. Alex could not help a sigh: sometimes it seemed to him that while writing ‘You’re So Dark’ he just slipped into a time hole, met his future sweetheart and referred to him through every damn line. Alex was on good terms with the gloom – it was just that superfluous dusk felt like manacles to him this time, when he wanted to break free to the lighter side.

Black was definitely not the color of Theo’s soul. From a passing look, he could seem like some somber mysterious heartbreaker with a trained undressing look and no admiration for treacly long-term relationships. But Alex knew it was not the whole package of truth because he was there the next second, when Theo stumbled over his own feet or suddenly issued a list of ridiculous 10 facts about penguins. He wanted to seem like a solemn diabolic sage in a cape – and there was a shadow of that on him indeed. But the brighter spot of kindness, patience and care was a far bigger one.

“Here it is!” Alex exclaimed all of a sudden when his desperate gaze got illuminated with a brilliant white – finally something white and promising – jacket, hanging on a chair beside the wall, “That’s what I want!”

Theo scratched his head, squinting like a kid in the sun. The choice was completely not what he had expected.

“Jacket? Really? Baby, you’re a rich man, you can buy your own one.”

“Nah, I want yours and only yours. That’s the point, right?” Alex reminded with a determined smile.

“I thought you’d go for something less, uh… pragmatic. Maybe something more of a souvenir to carry around in your pocket.”

“I’ll accept pocket fillings too. But only as a bonus.”

“I’m not even sure it’s your size,” Theo mumbled faintly. Alex pouted, crossed his arms and gave Theo a resentful kick.

“I can just wear it over my shoulders, anyway. Admit it, we’re talking about the only non-black thing in your wardrobe and I’m going after an actual phenomenon, eh?”

“You know it’s not,” Theo snorted, “I have suits of absolutely all colors, by the way!”

“Oh really? An undercover rainbow man? That’s brand new information,” Alex chuckled and stood up to check the stock of colors.

“Right. You could say I’ve got a whole rainbow in my closet.”

Alex clapped, giggling quietly, and, instead of going to the wardrobe, stopped to sit on the chair sideways and explore the desired white garment.

“Why did you showcase it like that, anyway?” Alex wondered, his hand sliding over the pleasant expensive cloth.

“I was just trying it on before you arrived,” Theo explained, visibly softened by the postcard from paradise in front of him – a pale-skinned and curly Alex in his underpants and flower crown with the object of discussion shining with white behind him like angel wings, “This is actually my lucky jacket and one of my favourite ones. I only wear it to the most important events, and Glastonbury is one of them, of course.”

“I’ll give it back before your set,” Alex promised willingly, “Miles and I are performing too. Besides, I have a concert in Bristol tomorrow, and I want some extra luck.”

“Oh, Al, I wouldn’t say your shows are so unfortunate that only my jacket can save them…” Theo smiled, still pondering whether he would allow the lease.

“Come on, Theo, I’ll return it in the best possible condition. My word. It’s like a relay baton of amazing concerts. I’ll charge it with positive energy for you!”

Theo sighed dramatically.

“Well, if a spilled margarita and chocolate stains are positive energy…”

“Shut up. I only drop and spill things when I’m with you. Maybe it’s your voodoo eyes, maybe your contagious clumsiness.”

“Okay,” Theo laughed, “To be honest, I’m just not so big on sharing clothes and all that.”

“Well, you’re missing out. Won’t see my triumphal dance, then.”

“Oh. How about a demo version? And then you freeze in a weird pose and declare I must pay the registration fee in jackets to keep watching.”

“Fuck, you’ve found the ploy,” Alex lamented feigningly and jumped up that very moment, nimbly sliding his arms into the sleeves, indeed a bit longer than necessary. A livelier Gainsbourg song started, and Alex swept through the room in silly pirouettes, white cloth fluttering around his half-naked body. He alternated between ballroom and rockabilly moves, picturesque hops and awkward shuffling, ardent tango vibes and a white dad on a barbecue routine, not forgetting to fix his flower crown now and then, and snapped rhythmically. Theo watched the performance with an expression so sunlike as if he was witnessing the Woodstock festival.

When Alex ran out of ideas, he stretched his arms towards the enamored viewer and wiggled his fingers. Theo bounced up, caught his hand midair and pulled him into another twirl. Seconds after, the laughing tiny dancer flew into Theo’s embrace, and a gentle kiss concluded the show.

“You’re so great,” Theo said, adjusting Alex’s lucent outfit.

“So do I have the prize?”

“Well, since you seem to know the best ways to convince me…”

Theo lifted Alex off the ground and put him on the bed as if it was a pedestal.

“…maybe I should trust you with this,” he concluded with a delicate smile.

The next day, Alex set out for Bristol with the dearly cherished garment in his suitcase. He considered it not just another jacket but some symbol – a symbol of hope, trust and, quite literally, enlightenment. It was as if that single piece of clothing was sewn of perspectives and responsibilities. Theo would not have let some casual wooer borrow such a significant possession. It was a chance to make a step and prove he could be trusted with far more important things. A white gleaming spot in the fog of their future. Even a sign that Theo was not that bad at durable relationships and somewhat reluctant about them – and this is why Alex handled it with particularly keen care and cautiousness.

A few hours before show, Miles saw the star of the day upon Alex’s shoulders, and wondered jauntily:

“And what’s this opera cloak? Found out your ancestors were aristocrats and decided to measure up?”

Alex grumbled indistinctly and brushed invisible dust off the dazzling novelty.

“Oh, I see,” Miles went on with a good-hearted grin, “Is this royal gift, by any chance, from your London pal?”

Alex grumbled again, this time in a positive key. Miles was well-informed, of course, but Alex still felt a bit shy to talk about it in detail. Everything could come to a standstill any minute, and his explicit and scenic speeches would just sound miserable then.

“I need to write Theo a thank-you note for contributing at least one decent thing to your wardrobe. It’s a bit sad his generosity didn’t extend for pants, though.”

“Miles, don’t you need to check your guitar or something?” Alex sighed with a slight resigned smile.

“Nah, I’m too busy checking my smitten bandmate. It looks great on you, by the way.”

“Could’ve started with that and ended there as well.”

“Come on, Al, don’t sulk,” Miles said, hugging him on the shoulder merrily, “You know I support everything you do. It was just too hard to shut up when I saw you in this snow-white cape. Don’t forget to send him a selfie, alright?” Miles laughed and left his blushing friend in peace.

Theo must have been right about the jacket’s powers, and the show was an outstanding success. However, the next morning was a distressing equalization. Everything did not stick. When Alex reached the tour bus, all exultant in anticipation of seeing Theo again and not even late as he usually was, it turned out that, on the contrary, two members of the band were awfully late. They showed up soon, but then the bus would not start. To Alex’s leaping panic, the driver said that fixing the engine would take some time. The company did not worry much because they had loads of spare time, whereas Alex had to be there hours earlier to meet Theo and finalize his lucky outfit before their set.

Finally, the bus set out, and a traffic jam on their disastrous way was just expectable. Alex was sitting alone on the border of a frisson and looking from the window, in which the road signs were not interchanging fast enough, to his phone, regularly illuminated with laconic imps, snails and coffins from Theo. His set would begin in less than in an hour, and the festival site was not even in sight. Alex was already estimating if it would be better just to run to Worthy Farm on his own feet when Miles sat next to him and put an encouraging hand on his back.

“Are you running out of rent time?” he asked with no evil sneer implied, but Alex was too nervous and tense to take a joke.

“Fucking hell, Miles! Save your humor for later, okay? I’m totally not in the mood for it, can’t you see?”

“Is it really that big of a deal? I know it’s an unpleasant situation but it’s a festival, you know. All kinds of things can happen and you should be ready for anything. He can just wear something else.”

“It’s not just about a fucking jacket!” Alex cried out and tried to calm down so that nobody else could hear the conversation, “Far more complex things are involved, and it’s not just Theo’s outfit I’m going to ruin.”

“What things?” Miles wondered in confusion.

Alex swiped away another skull and crossbones emoji from Theo and inhaled deeply.

“When he trusted me with a thing he loves and values, after months of just playing the fools no more often than the gaps in the schedule allowed, it was a gesture. A test, if you may so… for both of us. And I’ve failed it. Even a jacket was a problem for him, and what should I do when I’d want to ask for far more?”

“Uh… Al, I think you’re dramatizing,” Miles said carefully, “It’s just a jacket. Not, like, a relationship mainstay or something.”

“But it’s white. And he’s dark,” Alex said vaguely, but in such a conclusive tone as if he actually believed that this contrast actually explained everything in the clearest possible way. Nobody could decrypt his observations better than Miles; yet, this one left him slightly perplexed. Before Miles found what to say, somebody from the band noticed the festival gates in the distance and cried out about it. The whole bus transformed into a busy anthill at once, and the conversation came to a halt.

Seconds after Alex left the bus and even before he had a chance to look around, he almost got knocked down by an impetuous white comet. The comet turned out to be a furious Theo. He clutched Alex by the shoulder and dragged him a few steps away from the disembarkment scene.

“No more clothes rental for you,” Theo asserted angrily, “Where the fuck is it? My stage is, like, a mile away, Adam is going to kill me!”

Alex stretched out the bag with the jacket.

“Theo, I’m so sorry, I just…”

“Your mushy antics almost cost me one of my biggest music moments of this year!”

“But I couldn’t predict it! I did everything in my power, and…”

“I’m endlessly grateful for making me sprint through the mud dressed like this,” Theo interrupted and fled, his long legs gracefully hopping from one dry hillock to another. Luckily, the weather was dry enough not to bring any serious threat to the smooth outfit. Alex partly wished it had not been that way, though, so he could just drown himself in the nearest mucky puddle. Actually, he had been planning to go with Theo and watch his performance. Stand aside, smile proudly and be the first one to hug Theo after the triumph he would surely have. But now Alex felt like he was not welcome in that role.

“Everything alright?” Miles asked worriedly, walking by with a guitar case in each hand.

Alex waved away and hurried to take his own one.

“Can you see that snowball dashing in the distance? My hopes and dreams have just been absorbed by it and carried away. And probably stained with mud once or twice since it’s a very clumsy snowball.”

“Cheer up, mate, you’re doing Glastonbury in a few hours! Your hopes and dreams are still there.”

“I know they are,” Alex snapped impatiently, “Sorry, I’m just… I didn’t want to let him down like this. Smudged a special day for both of us.”

“Tell me, where did you find the stats for breakups provoked by fucking clothes? I’d like to read and laugh too.”

“Breakups. Fucking hell. It’s not the case. Just that he’s never going to trust me with anything again,” Alex grumbled and instantly portrayed being insanely busy with unloading the bus, grasping and carrying everything he could see just so he could avoid talking and admitting why he was taking this too seriously. His enthusiasm slowed down when he dropped a cello case on his foot, though. Leastwise Miles got the hint and kept silent with a sad pug expression.

Their own show was hours away, and Alex had plenty time to stir the coal in the water. It was all dark, that shade Alex was trying to dodge from. He did not even take part in usual pre-show entertainments within the band. Miles tried to donate him some lightheartedness a few times more, but Alex was stubbornly downcast. In his eyes, since it had been a symbolic gesture from the start, the failure was a sign as well – and an ill one.

Alex could barely explain why it did not feel like overreaction to him. From the start, their relationship with Theo was a cinematic story; in the sense that due to limited screen time, every trifle told a whole novel, and no accident was accidental — it was bound to get its own path. Alex was so afraid but almost ignited enough to admit which genre he would prefer this film to be while Theo was too arthouse to stick to the well-trodden list of tropes. Even such a simple gesture gone well could be a little breakthrough. In the end, however, if it had managed to persuade Theo of anything at all, it could only be the comfort of going your big musical way without any extra heart-shaped inconveniences close at hand. The horizon was going dim again.

Speaking of the horizon, a dark spot appeared just where Theo had vanished an hour earlier (Alex considered the change of the color ominous as well) and grew bigger. It turned out that the runner was Theo again – panting, wearing a black combination with a leather jacket this time and waving a bag in his hand. Alex jumped up from the equipment box and made a timid step forward. Theo slowed down and came up to him matter-of-factly.

“Phew, I did it. Here’s your enchanted lucky jacket. Still want it?” he asked breezily.

Alex just stared at him numbly and grew a slow and bashful smile on his face.

“What, too much labor before the show?” Theo grinned, “Let me help you then.”

He put the bag on the ground, took the immaculate white jacket out of it and threw it around Alex’s shoulders lightly. Maybe due to the rules of reflection, maybe because of something else, but the world instantly seemed to Alex like a much sunnier place.

“I thought we were, like… that I disappointed you extremely…” Alex mumbled, Theo pulling him closer by the sides of the garment.

“Oh yes, you did. Enormously! I thought you were going to watch me sing, where the fuck have you been?” Theo wondered with a facetious pout.

“I… I just thought you weren’t going to be glad to see me after that.”

Theo let him loose for a second to perform a theatrical facepalm.

“Because of a fucking jacket?”

“Well, yeah, since it’s so special and happy for you…”

“Not that much. What is, though, is an awkward dork in front of me.”

Alex smiled and clung to Theo’s chest while nobody in particular was watching, too busy preparing for the set. He felt a nimble kiss on the temple, and then, everything was white all around them both, wrapping them with a silkier feel than the jacket alone gave.

There was still some time before the performance, and a row of classic white festival tents sheltered a few quiet reconciling kisses. Alex invited Theo to hang around backstage, but he chuckled softly and said he would be a clumsy and bulky distraction so he would rather enjoy the performance from the audience. Alex let him go calmly, knowing that it would not be for long this time. As soon as Theo disappeared in the crowd, Miles bounced to Alex out of the blue.

“Not so dark after all, isn’t he?” Miles smirked.

“Just the right shade for my color scheme,” Alex admitted with a pacified smile to get thumbs up from his perky friend.

Only seconds after, Theo came back with a mischievous grin, declared he had forgotten to do something important and clasped Alex in his arms again. Then he fixed the sliding jacket swiftly, gave Alex a wink and was off without another word. An instant inkling flashed through Alex’s mind and he put his restless hands in the pockets. There was a thin crumpled paper in the right one. His heart tingling, Alex pulled it out and saw a fragment of some minimalistic poster with a short message scribbled on it.

“The next time, I’m borrowing one of your jackets and taking it to the other side of the world just so I give us another occasion to push the plans away and see each other. By the way, I’d like you to keep this one for a while. Love you. Theo xx”

Alex smiled, folded the letter gently and put it back into Theo’s jacket. Or, most probably, already their one.


End file.
